I posted this on Facebook originally, then realized I should make it a blog post, too. I have been reading many blog posts about breastfeeding in public and although I wish I could write some incredibly though-provoking, non-explosive post, I’m going to let it slide with this one. My feelings about this issue have been building up for a long time and I finally just let it out this morning..
I am angry about the problems people have with nursing in public. Bottom line: if you didn't view breasts as indecent and/or sexually gratifying objects, you would NOT have a problem seeing a woman feed her baby!! America is one of the few first-world countries that views breastfeeding in public as indecent and many mothers feel forced out of social situations due to the simple fact that they feed their child from their breast - an organ that is meant to feed babies.
If you find yourself saying that this is ridiculous and women just need to cover up - ask yourself why you think that and be completely honest with yourself. It is not that you feel that women should not breastfeed; if you had any sort of education you would know that breastmilk is the optimal food for babies (not that formula is evil..). It is more because you might view the breast as a sexual object when it is displayed in public. Some mothers say that breastfeeding should be private and it is a special experience that they don't want to share with anyone else. This is probably because they feel that others will see their breasts as sexual even if the mothers don't perceive them that way. What an awful way to feel when you just want to love and nurture your baby? Can you imagine wanting to feed your baby, but you are afraid guys will gawk at your breasts and you will make people feel uncomfortable? Ask yourself why these people are uncomfortable. You are not a hooker, you're not trying to show off your body to get attention, you are a mother feeding her baby. Many individuals cannot make that separation in their minds due to the overwhelming sexualization of breasts.
And guys - guess what? Do you know why you are attracted to breasts to begin with? Just like you would look at a big meal when you're hungry--on an extremely biological level, breasts feed babies and men are attracted to breasts because they are meant to feed their offspring. Seriously, go look it up if you don't believe me. This is biological and has been proven. It is the MISPLACEMENT of breasts as "dirty" sexual objects, rather than biological, sexually purposeful (as in reproductive), and nurturing organs that causes people to feel uncomfortable when they see breasts.
Some of my main beliefs surrounding this issue are:
~Women should not have to cover their breasts to feed their babies. When babies are breastfeeding, they do a great job of covering the breast themselves. But what if you catch a glimpse of a nipple!? A nipple on TV is ok, but a nipple feeding a baby is not, right? ::hits forehead::
~Women should not have to pump their milk and bring a bottle with them so other people aren't offended by their breastfeeding. Many babies do not like being fed a bottle by mommy when her breast is right there next to them. So when you're out and you need to prepare a bottle while your child is screaming, that's much better than quietly putting baby to the breast, right? I wonder which one causes more people to look at you..?
~Women should not have to go into a PUBLIC BATHROOM where people pee and poop to feed their babies. That is gross. Sure, babies don't realize they are being fed in a bathroom and it doesn't make a difference to them, but if you are a mother and you are sitting in a place that smells like pee and poop, do you think you will enjoy feeding your baby? Oh, right, but you shouldn't have gone out in the first place if you knew your baby was going to be fed. Newsflash for people who think this: breastfed babies do not feed on a schedule, that is the beauty of nursing; it is available anytime, anywhere.
~Women should not have to go to a special nursing room, even if it is available. Segregating breastfeeding mothers from the general public only instills that breastfeeding is an indecent thing to do when it is absolutely NOT. If your baby is fussy and won't calm down, it might be more polite to take your baby into a more quiet room to nurse if baby is just not having a good time for whatever reason. This is completely different than taking a perfectly calm and quiet baby into a nursing room so people don't see you. If you choose to nurse in a quiet room, that's totally ok, too. I'm trying to say that you shouldn't be forced to go in there if you don't want to.
I hear people say all the time "Well you can just cover up so people don't have to see.." Babies do not like being covered. A huge huge part of the bonding experience for mother and baby is eye contact during breastfeeding. Covering up the entire breastfeeding process shows other people that their need to not see your baby nursing is more important than you being comfortable and supported by them. I can understand covering your baby if it's loud or bright and they are having trouble calming down. But to cover yourself for the purpose of keeping your breast completely unexposed only feeds into the problem.. I hope someone understands what I mean here.
I am by no means an advocate for forcing women to bear their breasts in public. If you don't feel comfortable, I am certainly not saying you're a bad mother and you should do it anyway. It is really society's fault for making you feel like you can't nurse in public and no one should try to make you feel guilty for choosing to cover up or to go in another room. That is your choice and I support you.
The point I am trying to make is that women should never be harassed for feeding their babies, ever. You would never tell a bottle-feeding mother to go in another room or put a blanket over her baby's head so why on earth would you tell that to a breastfeeding mother? If anything, breastfeeding mothers need MORE support than ever before with so much advertising that formula is just as good as breastmilk and it's all the same anyway.. not true.
When we support breastfeeding mothers, we support infant health. The US has the second highest infant mortality rate in the developed world, so we really need to encourage mothers to breastfeed if they are physically able.
I just need to get this out of my system.. With all the issues surrounding nursing in public, I am concerned that many of our friends won't understand why I am nursing our baby in public and at conventions. I am worried that people won't want to hang out with us because they might see a portion of my boob or think that breastfeeding in public is wrong or weird. I know that our friends are our friends and they should understand, but that doesn't mean they won't feel uncomfortable... I wish there was a way for me to normalize the whole thing so no one cared!! Dave reassures me that everything will be fine and none of the people we hang out with would stop being our friends just because I am nursing. I kind of hope that by showing our friends how easy it is to nurse that they might develop more confidence when they have their own children someday.. I know I seem to be making a "big deal" out of this whole thing, but I feel strongly about it and I'm insecure about defending myself to friends and family when I really just want to be supported.
I love seeing nursing mothers in public. If the opportunity presents itself, I try to tell them in person that I am happy to see them doing it. I always smile at them reassuringly, even Dave does. I don't assume that he's trying to catch a glimpse of a boob either! He supports me 100% and we didn't even need to discuss the matter, really. He knew that breastfeeding was the best thing we could do for our baby and that our baby would need to nurse in a variety of social situations. I feel so lucky to be with Dave <3 <3
If you read all this, kudos. I am an extremely hormonal pregnant lady who is worried about all sorts of things these days. It helps to just let it out and let others know how I feel about it.
~Christine
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