11 Months

Our baby girl is 11 months. One month away from being a WHOLE YEAR OLD. Just where did the time go?? I can tell you.

Once Evelyn was born I was in a total fog. For about a month. Those first two weeks of learning how to breastfeed and get sleep with a baby who refused to sleep on any non-living and breathing surface was unbelievably trying. I was so happy to be a mom but I was so devastated that the process by which this was achieved had almost killed me. When you have a newborn, your whole world is turned upside down, over and over again. Each time your baby cries your heart stops beating and your whole being wants to go to this tiny human and comfort it.

As the weeks went on, I became less paranoid about being at home with Evelyn but was still paranoid about going anywhere with her. Figuring out when and how to take her out was a big challenge. We had breastfeeding down. We knew how to cloth diaper. We knew how to use the wrap and the sling. But for some reason I was terrified of leaving the house without someone. Mainly my issue was about her crying in the car and having to pull over repeatedly. I just couldn't bear to hear her cry for any period of time. Sounds lame looking back, but it was relevant and important to me in so many ways to put her happiness and comfort above ALL of my needs. I found it hard to go pee because she would cry if I left. I didn't shower unless Dave was home and even then I became easily stressed if I could hear her crying from the bathroom. And if I didn't hear her crying I thought she might be, but the shower was too loud for me to actually hear. How ridiculous this all seems to me now, but I still look back on it fondly.

Evelyn got a little bigger, a little more animated, and we got used to being around each other. I slowly ventured out of my mamababy nest, diaper bag filled to the brim (except I always forgot something important) and cell phone ready. I must have called Dave a million times in those early months. Just having another person on the phone while I was grocery shopping or going to the pediatrician's office helped me tremendously. I was still severely depressed but I forced myself to get out from time to time. I immersed myself in thought; thoughts about parenting, infant development, motherhood, my birth, and all sorts of other issues that were important to me. I watched LOTS of shows on Hulu. I ate LOTS of hot pockets. I lived and breathed for my daughter and couldn't think about things other than the mamababy relationship, emotionally and physically, for many months.

Maybe once Evelyn got to about 6 or 7 months, I really started to feel like a mom. A mom who knew what she was doing, who wasn't so afraid to talk about her parenting choices, who wasn't afraid to take her baby outside or on a car trip, and who knew exactly what her baby needed if she cried, fussed, smiled, or reached out to me.

Once I started to feel like a real mom things changed for me. My depression was still there but I felt like I could actually do things to help it. I felt like Evelyn and I had our own language and I understood her better than any other person. She had developed trust in me to understand her signals and care for them appropriately. She knew that if something was wrong, I'd keep trying to figure it out and wouldn't eat or sleep until she was ok. I realize now that I could have delegated more or even let her fuss for two minutes while I made a bowl of cereal...but as a first-time mom those things weren't important to me.

Evelyn has been to New York City three times, up to Maine twice, been on four flights and attended about 6 conventions. She has gone on numerous other little road trips, one most recently down to Florida to help a dear friend during her birth and immediate post-partum period. She has just been a trooper when it comes to travel. As long as we have the Ergo everything is fine :)

Over the past three weeks Evelyn's development has just blown me away. She started eating real people food and basically refuses pureed baby food now. She started crawling. She loves to hold your fingers and walk laps around the living room and kitchen. Sometimes she even runs. She has stood a few times unassisted, much to her surprise. She learned "Kee-ee" (kitty), "Ditduu" (thank you), and "Ehoh" (elmo). She already knows Nigh-night, Mama, Dada, Nuhnums, and will shake her booty on demand if you either sing or say the word "dancing". I can't believe how well she communicated her needs to us and understands what we're saying.

I knew these days would come I just didn't think it would be so soon!

We have also been successfully catching many poops and pees on the froggy potty. If I was better about it we'd catch most eliminations on the potty, but we run around a lot these days and I depend on my diapers.

I am trying to decide what to do for Evelyn's first birthday and it almost immediately overwhelms me so I put it off. I can't do that any longer. Invitations must get sent out and plans must be made. This baby is turning one whether I like it or not.

My Super Long Birth Story

Due Date: 

So it was Wednesday, March 10th, 2010. The great anticipated date of Evelyn's birth. I had been so dilated, effaced, and with baby at low station for many weeks and I was sure we would be having this little one before that day. When 3-10 came, we had an appointment with Nancy, our beloved midwife. It was around 10AM. I went into her house thinking that I might ask her to strip my membranes, but I was very willing to have her tell me that it wasn't a good idea. She checked me after talking at length (1 hour) about the birth process and how it might be for me. We talked about how since the baby was so far down already, I would most likely skip that early phase of labor where it takes about 12 hours to go from 0 cm dilated to 3-4. This is called early labor. I caved and told Nancy that I was anxious for the first time, regarding Evelyn's impending arrival. I told her in all honesty that I was thinking about her stripping me. She said she wanted me to be patient, but she saw the exhaustion in my eyes, I suppose. She said that if she stripped me, I would either go into labor within 48 hours or nothing would happen. Stripping only "works" if you are going to go into labor within the next few days anyway, she said. If the baby is not ready to come out, stripping the membranes won't do a darn thing besides make me cramp for a few hours. I was laying on the bed with my legs open, while she was checking and she said she could get about two fingers in my cervix. She then asked me, point blank, if I wanted her to "talk to my cervix"... it's Nancy's way of putting it. I said yes immediately so she did. It was relatively painless until the stretching caused me to have a few contractions. When she was done, there was a bit of blood, which Nancy said was a good sign that my body was getting ready to go into labor soon. Dave and I went home, excited and hopeful that this would be it. That night I finished getting the bedroom ready so Evelyn, Dave and I could all coexist in that space together. 

Early Labor: 

That night I continued cramping. The next morning, I was very groggy from not sleeping and I had just dreamed that Nala, our kitten, had knocked over a glass in the kitchen and cut herself. I'm not sure what the heck that was all about, but then I woke just in time to hear the big thud and unmistakeable sound of glass breaking. I quickly sat up and cried to Dave that I had just dreamt that Nala was hurt. Sure enough, she and Baloo had been rough-housing up on the counter. Nala had sprung up onto the breakfast bar, into the sink, knocking out many dishes, and then leaped to the floor, cutting her leg open on the broken plates. She had a big gash on her back leg. I immediately called the vet to tell them we were coming in for an emergency. When I went to the bathroom to pee, I wiped and a huge chunk of my mucus plug had come out. I immediately started having some mild contractions. I thought to myself, OH CRAP. I was beginning to go into labor and our kitten was just hurt. Off to the vet we go!! The vet wanted to keep Nala for us, but we had to explain that I was in labor, and that my parents could keep her at their house while I was giving birth and recovering. The vet quickly stitched Nala up; she was totally fine and they said it would heal fabulously in a week or so). After paying about $300 for an hour visit (I was contracting in the waiting room the entire time) we decided to go home where I would labor until I wanted to go to my parents' house. 

Active Labor at Home: 

When we got home, I opened up the contraction master app on my iPhone and started timing. I actually saved the sheet of contractions in my email! Time was fuzzy from that point on. Once we got settled and I was no longer panicked about Nala, things picked up with my labor. This was at about 6:15 pm, and my contractions were on average 4-5 mins apart. I called Nancy to tell her that I was in labor and how far apart the contractions were. I wanted to wait until they were somewhere between 2-4 to go to my parents' house and Nancy thought that I should go when I feel like things are getting a little difficult. Well, I made the smooth move of attempting to take a shower to ease my labor pains. The shower felt amazing with the intensely hot water on my back, but my contractions picked up quickly!!! Around 7:30 pm I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes. I called Nancy right back and told her that they were 2-3 now. She said to get in the car ASAP and get down to the house. We finished getting packed within 20 mins and were off to mom and dad's house. 

The car ride was horrible and by the time we got there, I was already groaning in a low tone. I went straight to the bedroom and leaned over the bed, waving my hips side to side. I then went into the bathroom and got on all fours in front of the tub. Nancy and Therese arrived minutes after us. Nancy came in, greeted me, and had me lay back so she could check me. I was about 3cm dilated and more than 50% effaced. I kept laboring on all fours in the bathroom, then decided to go lay down on the bed and save some strength since I knew Evelyn's birth would be many hours away still. 

Somewhere between the bathroom and the bed, I became super nauseated and threw up. I tried to get comfy on the bed, but I was getting nauseous with each contraction. When the contraction would start to come, I would try to relax. Instantly my body would dry-heave. The only way for me to not dry-heave was to tense my stomach muscles a bit, which made the contractions even more painful. It was so awful! I tried to eat applesauce, which I threw up. I tried to eat some sherbert, but that came up, too. Peanut butter, crackers, even water would make me more nauseous. After laying in bed with some killer contractions, I asked if I could try the tub, or Nancy suggested it. I don't remember. I do remember walking into the bathroom while the tub was filling and anxiously getting in there, hoping for some pain relief and a break from the dry-heaving. My body was calm for about 5 minutes, then the nausea swept over me again. We had to have a bucket in the tub and every time I had a contraction, I would have to sit up and throw up in the bucket that was floating on the water. About 20-30 minutes into this tub time, and with Nancy sitting and supporting me next to the tub, she said "Honey, I hate to see you so sick like this." She said she was thinking that I was starting to get dehydrated and we would see how things go for a little bit longer. I had about 3 more contractions and between them I was telling Nancy how I was prepared to go to the hospital. We had talked at length about the possibility of me having hyperemesis of labor, since I had had it for almost 7 months for the pregnancy. There was no admitting defeat if I had to relocate to the hospital, and I felt strongly that I was not going to torture myself at home when it was crystal clear that I would literally not survive this birth if we stayed home. Yes, that sounds very dramatic, but it was very true. Many women can go hours being in labor without hydrating, but when you are throwing up bile, it's not a healthy situation for the mother or the baby. Eventually my muscles would not have enough strength to actually contract and help the baby down the birth canal. I don't like to think about what could have happened. Nancy sympathetically said that it was making her sick seeing me so sick and that it really was time to get proper help. She never talked me into anything. I said we should go and she agreed, very happy that I was thinking rationally. As we were getting ready to go, I took a shower to help relieve some pain. I even threw up in the shower. Dave came in to tell me that Nancy mentioned the possibility of trying an epidural to help my body relax. I knew right away that Nancy was not pushing intervention on me and what she was thinking made complete sense. I had also done a lot of research on epidurals and when it is a good idea to use one. This was one of them. I got out of the shower and told Dave to tell Nancy that I wanted an epidural as soon as we got to the hospital. 

Active Labor at Hospital:

So off to the hospital we went. Nancy had already called Dr. Fitzhugh (her back-up OB) and he would meet us there. I walked through the parking lot, through my contractions, and straight into my labor and delivery room. A nurse came in minutes later, hooked me up to a saline drip, and they gave me IV zofran to try and knock out the nausea. It worked for a short while, but I kept dry-heaving. The thing about zofran is that it will work better if you can get it in your system before you start throwing up. Once you start throwing up, it's a toss up as to whether it will actually stop the heaving. I toughened up, knowing that it would take about 20 minutes to get the epidural. It took almost every ounce of my strength to breathe slowly and stay loose. Those were the most difficult 20 minutes of my labor. I wanted so badly to throw up, and it took some incredibly focus to manage each contraction along with each wave of nausea. I will never forget that sensation of immense pain and nausea at the same time. The sounds of the anesthesia cart was like instant relief and the anxiety momentarily stopped my contractions. Dave was able to stay with me as she put the needle in my back. I have two tattoos on my back, so the pain of the needle insertion was cake! I felt almost delirious from all the pain and nausea at that point. I was about ready to pass out and I had only been laboring for about 4 hours.

The epidural started working immediately and I finally had relief. I didn't mind the pain as much as I minded the nausea. I could have dealt with the pain very well if I hadn't felt the need to throw up. Oh my gosh it was so bad. After the epidural had fully kicked in, I took a much needed rest. I don't remember much about falling asleep and waking up. I needed rest badly. I know I made small talk with Nancy and everyone else in the room for about a half hour until I went to sleep. The relief I felt from not having to throw up was so incredible. It was like waking back up again from the nightmare that was the hyperemesis I had for so many months during my pregnancy. I knew the hard part was over and I could ENJOY this birth. 

Since I had decided to have the epidural put in, I was going to need a tiny bit of pitocin to keep my labor going while I was resting. As most people know, pitocin is a synthetic form of oxytocin, the hormone that during birth, makes the uterus contract and push the baby down. Oxytocin also helps relieve pain, as long as the mother can stay relatively relaxed. When administered in a hospital, the range of pitocin goes from 1-20. Nancy said they would start me on two, then go up every 15 minutes as needed. I vocalized that I wanted the lowest dose possible, and then have it turned down to see if my labor would continue on its own. Nancy already knew that I wanted the least amount of intervention, so she reassured me that they would only give me enough to keep my contractions coming and not blow the baby out. After 15 minutes, I was bumped up to four, where I stayed for about 2-3 hours during my resting period. 

It was ether the nurse or Dr. Fitzhugh that came in to wake me and see if I had progressed. Sure enough, I was at about 9 cm with a tiny bit of cervix left. They immediately turned off the pitocin and started prepping for the actual birth. Throughout the time I had the epidural in, I never once pushed more pain medication via the clicker thingie. In fact, I didn't know it was even there, no one told me! Because I had rested and some of the medication had worn off, I could feel a lot of vaginal pressure as I was waking up. That got me really excited about starting to push. I could feel my left side and could actually move my leg around, but my right side was completely numb. It was a strange feeling, but I was thrilled that I could feel the baby in the birth canal. I remember telling Nancy that I could feel the baby coming down. I was happy that I had sensation but no pain. My left rib cage did hurt a bit, though, from all the vomiting and dry-heaving prior to the hospital. 

The Birth: 

As the nurses were prepping for delivery, I was unaware that the bag of waters had started bulging outside my body! Dave was saying how neat it looked and I reached down to feel it. It was super smooth and felt like a slippery water balloon. We got the mirror and it indeed looked exactly like a balloon coming out of me - so weird, but so fascinating! Nancy said that Dr. Fitzhugh might not make it to the baby's birth because I could have her any minute. Her head was right behind my bag of waters, and she was moving down pretty fast. Somewhere during this time, I started pushing a bit because I could feel the tightening sensation of my contractions. I was sort of experimenting with the feeling of trying to push without knowing if it was working or not. Dr. Fitzhugh made his appearance and I remember telling him how amazed I was at my baby balloon. I was relieved that he was there, but I knew that Nancy could have helped me birth the baby safely without him. 

(Mother-led pushing): 

After a few minutes of getting the hang of the pushing sensations, my bag of waters slowly leaked open and formed a small little pool right on the bed next to the baby's head. I made a joke about her being a true water baby and having a nice little pool to be born into. In some strange way, it felt symbolic of the water birth I had hoped for at home. We got the mirror out and I began to watch as I slowly inched baby's head out with each contraction. I am still very thankful that Nancy and Dr. Fitzhugh recognized that I was doing a great job pushing on my own. It was a very intuitive experience for me. Nancy picked up on my effective pushing, and when Dr. Fitzhugh got there, he really just sat at the end of the bed in silence. Everyone was barely whispering. I would vocalize that I was having a contraction and Nancy would encourage me through it, telling me to go nice and slow and how I was doing a great job. I could see the baby's head in the mirror, so I had a good idea of how hard or soft I had to push. Dr. Fitzhugh rubbed some lubricating gel around my vaginal opening to help glide the baby's head out and stretch the skin a bit. With each contraction, I pushed at a consistent pace, even holding the push between contractions. I was determined to get her out and not tear! So eventually her head came out and I saw her sweet little face as it turned towards the side. Nancy did encourage me to continue pushing, I think, so I could birth the rest of her body. I pushed as Dr. Fitzhugh supported her body. 

(This is my favorite part of the entire birth!!) Then Nancy told me to reach down and pick up my baby. I said "I can't!" and she said "Yes you can, just reach down!" So I reached down, hooked my hands under her armpits, pushed the rest of her body out, and lifted Evelyn Isabel to my chest at 10:38 AM. It was so unbelievably amazing. I actually birthed my own baby, even in the hospital with an epidural!! Of course, Dr. Fitzhugh did help make sure I didn't drop this super slippery baby, but I was so proud that I was able to bring her to me. I did not tear at all and had no abrasions. Yay! 

Evelyn pinked up and was gently crying as we rubbed her back to loosen up the mucus. She was never suctioned. After a few minutes of bonding, Dave cut the cord (which had stopped pulsing). We attempted to nurse for about a half hour, then the nurses quickly weighed her, swaddled her, and gave her back to me. Dave got to hold her at some point and I was in total awe of what had just happened. We were one happy lil' family!

My grandma, mom, and sister were also present at the birth and I'm glad they were able to be there. My friend Courtney was also there for a good portion of my labor to help and let my sister, Kelly, come in towards the end to hold the camera and witness the birth. Kelly had just driven 8 hours from Georgia, straight to the hospital, and into the birthing room in time to see Evelyn be born. 

I will be forever thankful for my labor support team, especially Dave, Nancy, and Dr. Fitzhugh. I feel so blessed that I was in the company of such wonderful people who supported, trusted, and cared for me during Evelyn's birth. Stay tuned for my reflection post!

~Christine

 

Evelyn is 2 months old!

I am so happy. Our baby girl is 2 months old and doing so wonderfully well. I feel so bad that I have not been able to blog about her lately. Having a newborn is hard work when you're a first-time mom and it's incredibly hard to find a half hour to give everyone updates! Our house is slowly filling up with laundry and general messiness, despite my efforts to clean a little bit each day. There have been things on my to-do list since before March and of course they aren't done yet. I can't even keep Evelyn's baby clothes put away and organized. I have to admit it's generally easier to just grab a sleeper off the clean laundry pile than to go into the closet and look through everything..  Oh but I love her so much and I'd rather have a messy house than a screaming, hungry, bored baby!!


So what's been going on with us? Well not too much, really. I am very proud to say that we have been succeeding at breastfeeding so far. Now that Evelyn is sleeping for about two 4-hour blocks at night, we no longer need to switch shifts and have Dave give her bottles of pumped milk while I sleep. I am so proud that I stayed so determined while we had breastfeeding issues for the first two weeks. It's so wonderful to be able to feed and nourish my baby from my own body; the way nature intended. We have also been using cloth diapers 100% of the time. It is definitely easier than I thought it would be! Now that she's fitting into her GroBaby, now called GroVia, diapers it is so easy to do two loads every other day. Her soaker pads get a rinse and hot wash, then her outer shells get one wash on warm. The shells air dry in about a half hour, and the soakers dry on high in the dryer in about an hour. Ah I love them!! They are so cute on her and she has had NO diaper rash since we did cloth full-time. I don't think we'll actually be able to use disposables at all because we have tried to put her in them and she immediately gets a rash on her legs where the elastic is. I know that seems strange, but she really does start breaking out. We tried Pampers Swaddlers and Huggies Pure & Natural and they both gave her a rash. It would be nice to find something to use in case of an emergency so I might try the Seventh Generation kind. I think it's the chlorine bleach on the elastic that does it.. hrm..


What else.. Well, Evelyn got her first vaccines a few weeks ago. She got the Rotavirus drink and the first DTaP. We are following a delayed vaccine schedule that can be found in the Dr. Sears Vaccine Book. I feel very confident about our decision to vaccinate and do it on a more delayed schedule. I am just not comfortable giving her so many vaccines in a short period of time. I suppose I'm just following my maternal instincts on this one. Although the AAP and CDC say that the normal schedule is perfectly fine, I don't buy it and I'm ok with not buying it. Evie's pediatrician is quite comfortable with Sears' schedule and recommends it if parents are wary of the normal schedule. She rocks! Dr. Annemarie Tull at The Pediatric Center. She has 3 children and nursed them all past one year. She's also a lactation consultant. Our beloved midwife, Nancy, gave us Dr. Tull's name and after our interview with her we were sold. I highly recommend her to parents in the Richmond area.


My body seems to be getting back to normal fairly quick. At 2 months post-partum, I weight about 147, and my pre-pregnancy weight was 152. Nancy says it's because I am producing a lot of breastmilk and my body is basically burning calories all day long. I have been trying to eat more recently, but I am steadily losing about a pound or so every week. I still have the linea nigra on my belly, but my stomach is actually flatter than it was before I was pregnant. I have noticed a slight widening of my hips because many of my pants are looser in the leg, but tighter in the hips. Oh joy. Now I need pants! Since we plan on breastfeeding well past one year, I anticipate keeping weight off. Maybe with the next baby I won't be so quick to bounce back; in fact, I plan on exercising more next time!


I am still thinking of Evelyn's birth often. It took me a few weeks to be OK with how everything played out. I had a tiny bit of regret that I requested the epidural before we even got to the hospital. After talking with Nancy for over an hour last week, I came to the conclusion that it really was necessary for me to get through Evie's birth with my sanity intact. With all the dry-heaving, vomiting, and intense contractions, Evelyn wasn't moving down and my body was becoming overly stressed too fast. As soon as I had the epidural, my cervix opened right up and she descended beautifully to be born only about 5 hours later. I also think that in some ways I deserved to have that easy delivery in the end. After being so sick for so many months, then being sick during labor, it was really nice to gently push her out at my own pace! I feel so good about Evelyn's birth now that I've had time to reflect. She is a beautiful, healthy baby and I couldn't have asked for a better birth team.


I promise after every post that I will do my best to keep everyone updated, and I really do try. Anyone who has had a newborn can probably empathize. I know that we have many friends and family who live too far to visit as much as they would like, so it is important to me to keep this going. I'm sure that as Evelyn grows a bit more and does not need someone to hold her every second, it will be easier to blog. In the meantime, thank you for being so patient (or at least trying to be) with me as I navigate being a new mother. Now for some Evie photo love!!!

~ Christine

Evelyn is 3 weeks old!

Grandma is here and keeping an eye on Evelyn so I can update!

We've made it through the past 3 1/2 weeks and it's been full of many laughs, cries (for both me and baby),  poo explosions, diaper changes, sore boobs, outfit changes, and sleepless nights. Evelyn has been an absolute joy, although I teetered on the brink of crazy many times in those first 2 weeks. Breastfeeding is still challenging, but not nearly as hard as it was in the first two weeks. I had cracked, sore nipples and cried every time she nursed for a few days. Let me tell you firsthand, use that nipple cream religiously. If I made one mistake, it was not using the nipple cream enough those first 2 days in the hospital.. She nurses much better now, but she still has trouble latching on. I have a strong let down so Evelyn often chokes and swallows a lot of air for the first few minutes. I hear it takes about 6 weeks for everything to settle down and regulate to the baby's needs and I'm really looking forward to waking up not soaking in milk after two hours.

Evelyn has gained almost 2 pounds already since leaving the hospital, so that brings her to 8 pounds. She's finally fitting into some of her 0-3 month clothes, which is nice because they're so cute :D Her thighs are filling out a little more and her skin is so soft.. I just love snuggling her tiny body.

Here's a photo from today

I will do my best to keep everyone updated from now on. The post-partum period really is hard so I'm prioritizing. Blogging has been put on the back burner and I'm glad to be resurfacing.

We made it two weeks with a newborn!

We made it two weeks and one day with our sweet new baby. Second to the pregnancy, this has been the hardest two weeks of my life. We came home on day 3 and I was ok. Day 4 and 5, I fell apart completely. With cracked sore nipples, no sleep, and a gassy baby I was burnt out in every which way. I am slowly crawling out of this dark cave of immediate post-partum depression and trying my best to take care of myself and Evelyn.

Within one day I began pumping and Dave was giving Evelyn bottles. I just could not keep up with her wanting to feed every 40-60 minutes. It was so exhausting and I needed at least a few hours of sleep daily.