One of the things that’s been on my mind a lot lately is how thankful I am to have a partner who supports me. Before we knew we were having a girl, I told Dave flat out that I would not allow our baby to be circumcised if it was a boy. He was curious in the beginning about why I would be so demanding about the subject, rather than talk out the pros and cons with him. Dave, up until that point, had not considered it much. He was neither for or against it, which is probably why he was hurt that I had made a decision without talking it over. When we did talk about it, he and I never argued and we never had “the talk” about how Dave wanted his son to look like him, therefore we needed to circumcise him. And thank you, God, for sending me such a sweet man who understood within minutes why I would not subject our baby to such a procedure.
Yes, I am against things like any other person. I don’t like it when I hear of women who don’t attempt to breastfeed because they think it’s gross, yet they are perfectly capable. I think to myself, well that’s a shame because you’re missing out on an incredible experience for you and your baby, not to mention the endless health benefits for you both. I wish they would at least try. I don’t like it when I hear about parents who leave their babies in their cribs at night to cry-it-out for long periods of time. Studies have proven this to be extremely stressful for babies, and the stress hormone they release (cortisol) directly impedes brain development, as well as fostering mistrust between the baby and their caregiver..
It also breaks my heart to see a baby boy circumcised after overwhelming evidence shows there is absolutely NO benefit for it, besides the religious reasons that are being used less and less frequently nowadays. Yes, Jewish families and other families whose religion says they should circumcise still decide not to. Even the American Academy of Pediatrics states that although there are potential health benefits to circumcision, they are not substantial, therefore the AAP does not recommend circumcision in newborn males. They have been saying this for 10 years, and plenty of other health organizations have been saying it for even longer. The research that says that there are potential health benefits to circumcision are being disproven by other research that takes into account proper care of an intact penis, which is basically LEAVE IT ALONE. Too many doctors, nurses and health professionals try to pull back the foreskin on uncircumcised infants, causing pain and increased risk of infection, plus many other issues that are used to support the argument that leaving your son intact is either unsafe, unhygienic, or just plain gross. Much like the co-sleeping argument, you really have to consider what makes sense as a parent. If could ask your son if they’d like to be circumcised, most of them would probably say no. If you were to ask them, well don’t you want to look like the other boys, they would say, well not if half of them have penises just like mine. If you were to ask them, well don’t you want to look like your Daddy, they would probably say, ew, why do I want to see Daddy’s pee-pee? This issue should be more about the right of the child than what the parents think is normal. We do not cut off parts of the female genitalia, so why do we justify doing it to boys? Even Dave, as a circumcised grown man has zero desire to have his son circumcised for the sake of looking like him. In light of the research, Dave supports the decision to not circumcise even more. Why would you want to compare penises with your son, anyway? Seriously, it is far more easy to say to your son if he’s curious, “when Daddy was a baby, doctors thought that’s what you were supposed to do and now doctors found out that you don’t need to anymore.” I might even begin with using an example of something that they can relate to like, “well doctors used to give babies a lot more shots so they didn’t get sick, and now they don’t give as many shots because they can put the medicines together and use less needles. It doesn’t hurt the babies as much just like how we don’t need to change the way your penis/pee-pee looks because it hurts when doctors do that.” Completely understandable for a child who is old enough to be curious, and you’re not even lying to them. If my son asks me someday about it when they get older, I’ll tell them that they can save up their own money and have it done if they really want it that badly.
One of the most thoughtful things I have ever heard was from a postpartum nurse who assisted with circumcisions. She said that when you witness a birth and you see that outpouring of love from a mother, that connection that the mother and father make with their new baby, you are overwhelmed with love, too. Then to see that baby wheeled away from it’s mother, taken into a room where they’re strapped down, crying and uncomfortable, while having a part of their body cut off with local anesthetic, is just about the saddest thing. Completely opposite from what you saw the day before. Within hours of being brought into the world into the loving arms of your mother, one of your first experiences in life is to have your foreskin cut off. Then you are wheeled back in to your mother, either asleep from the shock of the procedure or screaming in pain. There’s just something wrong about that.
I apologize for anyone reading this who has been circumcised, has chosen to circumcise their infant sons, or who is planning on circumcising their son. My intention is not to offend, my intention is to let out feelings that I have and provide evidence against the procedure. I think it is wrong and I will never in my life consent to it for my own child. If parents were required to watch a video of a boy being circumcised before consenting to the procedure, I bet that over 50% of them would choose to not have it done. Just like women of childbearing age must watch a video on abortion before they undergo the procedure, parents should have to watch a video about circumcision. The statistics that circumcision helps prevent HIV and other STDs has NOT been substantially proven, yet as a country we use that “fact” to justify such a procedure. What is actual fact is that nothing has been proven. What we DO know is that it obviously hurts the baby. Even if they are “numb” during the procedure, it hurts for days afterwards. So why do we keep doing it? Why do babies scream when the procedure is being done? Why do we listen to the babies scream every time they pee because the urine is burning their circumcision site? More and more pediatricians and doctors are stepping up to say that they will not do the procedure because it is unnecessary, and causes pain and discomfort for the infant. IN FACT, only about 50% of boys in the US are circumcised today. As more data emerges, circumcision rates are actually dropping. So the excuse that you want your son to look like all the other boys is not really a good one anymore.
Like I have tried to emphasize, I’m new at talking about things like this in public. Especially the internet where any one of my friends or family can read what I’m saying. This is a serious topic that offends many people, whether they are for or against routine infant circumcision. My grandma used to say that it wasn’t a good idea to talk about religion or politics with people because you’d probably offend them. Maybe we have so many issues because we don’t talk about them with each other. As a woman and soon-to-be mother, I will never approach a woman and tell her that is was wrong for her to have her baby circumcised. I feel in my heart that it is wrong, but I will not force my belief on any other person. Plenty of families believe that NOT circumcising your baby boy is wrong and the amount of pain and distress is completely worth the potential risks of not doing it. But I am not that kind of mama who always believes the hype or even what a majority of people think. Dave isn’t really like that either. Many of our choices have come from the heart, then we talk about them (ahem, besides this issue at first), read about them, talk to other people about them, and importantly, we try to find evidence as to whether or not we should do something. Talking to one pro-circ doctor will probably convince you to go ahead with the procedure. But if you talk to 2 or 3 doctors and make a decision after reading the current research on the topic, you’re much less likely to feel awful about your decision later on, no matter which way you go. The informed parent is a more confident parent. That is one of my biggest personal goals. Sure, research is changing every day, which is why we also rely on our instincts as people and parents to do what we feel is right for our child in the face of opposition.
Here are a few links to the research that I talk about in this post. I’m not just making it up, I swear! I am also including links to videos of infant circumcision. If you are considering circumcising your baby, it is important for you to know about the procedure and make an educated decision based on your intuition, as well as the facts. If it makes you uncomfortable to click on the video links, maybe that’s telling you something.
Links:
http://74.125.93.132/search?q=cache:p-hH_JDIjV8J:www.cirp.org/library/statistics/USA/+circumcision+rates+2006&cd=2&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us& Scroll down to section that says “Circumcision Incidence Rate” to see the most recent (2006) rates for all regions, which is the total US rate.
http://www.circumcision.org
http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;103/3/686
http://www.drmomma.org/2010/01/are-you-fully-informed.html (A doctor's public blog with over 100 circumcision links in the post)
Videos:
And yes, topical anesthetic is used for both babies, but that’s really the minimum that is considered ok. Using no pain medication at all is absolutely cruel.
http://fr.video.yahoo.com/watch/352478/2210721
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5933355699286047639#
~Christine
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