Oh man, where to start.. I think the first thing that comes to mind when I reflect on Evelyn's birth is how grateful I am that I had a very positive birth experience overall. I am so glad we had Nancy as our midwife. I am so glad I became aware of midwives and the midwifery model of care. I will never choose to have an obstetrician assist me in birthing my babies. Not because I don't trust my OB, but because I trust my midwife more. I trusted Nancy to know how I was doing and how Evelyn was tolerating the birth. I trusted Nancy to know how to care for me during my pregnancy and to respect my beliefs and desires about how I wanted this baby's birth to be.
I wrote in my birth story about how hard the first part of my labor was. I still don't know why I became so sick during labor. Up until that point I had felt that I wouldn't get hyperemesis of labor. I thought that my pregnancy had been hard enough and to be sick during labor was just wrong and shouldn't happen to me. But it did and we dealt with it. I dealt with it. I had to dry-heave with each contraction, causing immense pain and making me dry-heave even more. It was awful. But when Nancy told me while I was in the tub that it was making her ill watching me go through that, I felt relieved. There was a part of me that was hanging on to having a homebirth. A big part. And part of trusting my body was knowing that this just wasn't going to work out at home.
Making the decision to get an epidural was not something I spent much time on. It was like the dots connected almost instantly in my head. I had done so much research about epidurals that I knew why it was a good idea for me to get one. I felt so much relief and confidence that I had made the right decision. There was no worry in my mind about a possible c-section. It was weird, actually, looking around and really taking in how not only was in a hospital, but I was hooked up to an IV, had an external fetal monitor, an epidural and was getting a small amount of pitocin. So many interventions! That was not what I thought this birth would be like at all!
So even though I had the interventions, I was in charge of my birth from the beginning. I did not choose to do these things from the start. I chose a midwife and planned a home birth. I did my research, became very involved, asked questions, and made informed decisions. For me, it wasn't like I was being manipulated and I just ended up like any other woman going into the hospital to have her baby. It was all necessary. Weeks after the birth Nancy told me that a century ago I probably wouldn't have survived the pregnancy, and if I did, I would have died in childbirth. This coming from a midwife who has helped birth thousands of babies really *really* took any guilt I had and flushed it straight down the toilet.
One thing I want to mention is how my views on birth have changed since I've had my own baby. I am still in fierce support of natural, home birth, but I appreciate the medical side of birth more. I still don't encourage moms to plan on choosing interventions because I think *most* of the time it damages the labor process. But not all babies born to mothers with epidurals are doped up at birth, either. It depends on how much of the pain medication is injected through the epidural into the mother throughout labor. I only had one dose of actual pain medication during the insertion and never took more. I did start to feel pain while Evelyn was crowning and being born, but it was good thing because I wasn't numb. I felt my baby being born and that was a magnificent experience.
I have wondered or asked myself if there was anything I would have done differently. I don't think so. I know what to do differently now that I've been through it all, and that's what's important to me for the next baby. I know that probiotics earlier in my pregnancy will probably help my hyperemesis. I have learned that I need fluids more often during pregnancy, along with more vitamins and acid-reflux medication from the start. If I had taken prevacid earlier, I probably would not have been sick for so long. These are all things I have learned through experience; there was no way for me to know ahead of time. I am really hoping that if we have another baby in 3-4 years my hyperemesis won't be as bad and I will be able to have my beautiful home birth. Nancy seems to think that next time around labor will be much faster and if we can just get the nausea under control, I will do really well. ::fingers crossed::
Evelyn's birth was still very beautiful to me and I love sharing my story. As soon as I can figure out how to get video off my camera, I will post a link to my birth video on youtube. Yes, I'm putting it up there in all it's glory. If it wasn't for all the birth videos that other moms have posted, I would not be as confident as I am about being a doula and understanding birth. It is different for all women and I think it's important that I give my story back to the community.
Please ask away if you have questions or comments.
~Christine
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