11 Months

Our baby girl is 11 months. One month away from being a WHOLE YEAR OLD. Just where did the time go?? I can tell you.

Once Evelyn was born I was in a total fog. For about a month. Those first two weeks of learning how to breastfeed and get sleep with a baby who refused to sleep on any non-living and breathing surface was unbelievably trying. I was so happy to be a mom but I was so devastated that the process by which this was achieved had almost killed me. When you have a newborn, your whole world is turned upside down, over and over again. Each time your baby cries your heart stops beating and your whole being wants to go to this tiny human and comfort it.

As the weeks went on, I became less paranoid about being at home with Evelyn but was still paranoid about going anywhere with her. Figuring out when and how to take her out was a big challenge. We had breastfeeding down. We knew how to cloth diaper. We knew how to use the wrap and the sling. But for some reason I was terrified of leaving the house without someone. Mainly my issue was about her crying in the car and having to pull over repeatedly. I just couldn't bear to hear her cry for any period of time. Sounds lame looking back, but it was relevant and important to me in so many ways to put her happiness and comfort above ALL of my needs. I found it hard to go pee because she would cry if I left. I didn't shower unless Dave was home and even then I became easily stressed if I could hear her crying from the bathroom. And if I didn't hear her crying I thought she might be, but the shower was too loud for me to actually hear. How ridiculous this all seems to me now, but I still look back on it fondly.

Evelyn got a little bigger, a little more animated, and we got used to being around each other. I slowly ventured out of my mamababy nest, diaper bag filled to the brim (except I always forgot something important) and cell phone ready. I must have called Dave a million times in those early months. Just having another person on the phone while I was grocery shopping or going to the pediatrician's office helped me tremendously. I was still severely depressed but I forced myself to get out from time to time. I immersed myself in thought; thoughts about parenting, infant development, motherhood, my birth, and all sorts of other issues that were important to me. I watched LOTS of shows on Hulu. I ate LOTS of hot pockets. I lived and breathed for my daughter and couldn't think about things other than the mamababy relationship, emotionally and physically, for many months.

Maybe once Evelyn got to about 6 or 7 months, I really started to feel like a mom. A mom who knew what she was doing, who wasn't so afraid to talk about her parenting choices, who wasn't afraid to take her baby outside or on a car trip, and who knew exactly what her baby needed if she cried, fussed, smiled, or reached out to me.

Once I started to feel like a real mom things changed for me. My depression was still there but I felt like I could actually do things to help it. I felt like Evelyn and I had our own language and I understood her better than any other person. She had developed trust in me to understand her signals and care for them appropriately. She knew that if something was wrong, I'd keep trying to figure it out and wouldn't eat or sleep until she was ok. I realize now that I could have delegated more or even let her fuss for two minutes while I made a bowl of cereal...but as a first-time mom those things weren't important to me.

Evelyn has been to New York City three times, up to Maine twice, been on four flights and attended about 6 conventions. She has gone on numerous other little road trips, one most recently down to Florida to help a dear friend during her birth and immediate post-partum period. She has just been a trooper when it comes to travel. As long as we have the Ergo everything is fine :)

Over the past three weeks Evelyn's development has just blown me away. She started eating real people food and basically refuses pureed baby food now. She started crawling. She loves to hold your fingers and walk laps around the living room and kitchen. Sometimes she even runs. She has stood a few times unassisted, much to her surprise. She learned "Kee-ee" (kitty), "Ditduu" (thank you), and "Ehoh" (elmo). She already knows Nigh-night, Mama, Dada, Nuhnums, and will shake her booty on demand if you either sing or say the word "dancing". I can't believe how well she communicated her needs to us and understands what we're saying.

I knew these days would come I just didn't think it would be so soon!

We have also been successfully catching many poops and pees on the froggy potty. If I was better about it we'd catch most eliminations on the potty, but we run around a lot these days and I depend on my diapers.

I am trying to decide what to do for Evelyn's first birthday and it almost immediately overwhelms me so I put it off. I can't do that any longer. Invitations must get sent out and plans must be made. This baby is turning one whether I like it or not.

Lately

I win the award for the worst blogger ever. I have the best intentions but these past couple months have been one big ball of stress and I have simply lacked the motivation to write about Evelyn's milestones and our happenings. I have tons of cute pictures, but it is a huge chore to upload them, partially due to the fact that Google blogger makes me do them one-by-one and then I feel guilty that I don't make the time to do it. There are so many wonderful people in our lives who don't get to see us or Evelyn hardly often enough, and I feel so sorry for not posting regularly.

So a quick update:

Evelyn is great. She is such a happy baby. She is saying mama, dada, and num-num-num. Over the past two weeks she has been going poop on her little frog potty. She cues me by grunting and sitting very still, then I take her diaper off and put her on the potty. It's so very cute and it makes me feel good that I can communicate with her in this way. We've caught 8 poops so far. Only one pee, but I know that having poop in her diaper really bothers her now. She waits for me to put her on the potty and this whole thing really fascinates me! My 9-month old goes poop on her potty.

Evelyn hasn't shown much interest in crawling or walking yet. She scoots backwards and can turn around many times. She's an acrobat during sleep; half the time I awake to find her head down by my back and her feet in my face. I love those moments.

One of Evie's favorite things to do is take a bath. No matter how tired or upset she is, taking a bath makes her feel instantly better. She calms right down and starts babbling away. She loves to lay on my chest with her back to me so that she can sway and kick her feet under water. She'll turn around every once in a while to nurse for about 5 seconds then goes back to playing.

She loves to rip apart paper and napkins or anything that will tear. She'll store a few pieces in her cheeks then spit them out after a few minutes. She has been eating baby food pretty regularly; she loves sweet potato, carrots, pears, peaches, plums, and the awesome medleys that Earth's Best makes. The past week she's been only eating a few bites of food and then completely refuses it. Those are the days she nurses a lot instead. I never worry about what she's eating because I know that until she's at least year old, she can drink breastmilk and it will provide her with all the necessary calories and nutrients she needs. Maybe after her first birthday I will become more scheduled in when and how much she gets fed solids. 

Evie sits and stands up very well now. She loves to sit and wiggle her feet in opposite directions. She likes to kick her feet when she's laying on her back and she knows how to hold herself up when she's standing. Sometimes she rears back while sitting and hits her head on the floor. We always have a wail for a few seconds then she's fine and back to doing whatever she was doing. 

Some days Evelyn only wants mama, other days she says Dada all day long. She'll even cry when Grandma leaves the room at times when Mama is being boring. I love that she is comfortable with other people besides me, but that I can always come back to her and cuddle or nurse her if I've been gone for some reason. I actually don't leave her often at all, but I know if I really need to go somewhere my family will take wonderful care of her. 

It is still very important to me that Evelyn always feels like we will comfort her and meet her needs. I have not pushed any type of early independence on her and I really believe it shows. She is such a happy, alert baby!

When I have enough time to myself, I will try to post more photos of our pumpkin :)

Singing and more

I just wanted to write that Evelyn is singing in her sleep. I put on some meditation music for her and she's been asleep for over an hour, singing and cooing away. Melts my heart! I think we have a new nap/bed time routine.

Also, I am happy to say that EvieBell has been eating prunes and pears for over a week with no issues. We're back on a daily poop, which is a huge improvement over once every 3-5 days. I could also tell that going less frequently was causing her to have more gas and to be a bit crankier. Breastfed babies can go for over a week without pooping because the nutrients in the milk are almost completely absorbed, unlike formula, which has tons of extra vitamins and minerals to compensate for the lack of absorption. Babies still get adequate nutrition from formula, of course, but breastmilk is much less wasteful and is specifically created for consumption by human babies. Now that E is getting a bit more fiber, I think it's really helping her poop better. I will never recommend apples or bananas to parents as a first food - it can be incredibly constipating. All the "P" fruits are better like pears, peaches, and prunes. I think next we're going to try some veggies. I have some Earth's Best peas and sweet potatoes. We'll see if she'll take either one!

Since Nestle bought out Gerber I cannot, in good conscience, buy any of their products whatsoever. I am very against Nestle and the harm they do by marketing their formulas to impoverished women and babies. It creates a domino effect; mothers get formula for their babies, they switch between breastmilk and formula, usually their milk dries up because they are encouraged to use more formula, and when the formula runs out, they can no longer afford it plus their milk has dried up. So what do the babies eat? Mothers resort to diluting formula, which is exponentially worse than having less than ideal breastmilk. There is a website about this issue, but I need to track it down. Many breastfeeding advocates boycott Nestle because of their contribution to infant mortality and poor health. Makes me sick to my stomach.

Anyway, I don't buy anything from Nestle or its affiliate companies, and they have over 30.

On a lighter note, we have to go to Evelyn's 5 month check-up! I will post her stats later. I'm guessing she hit the 15 pound mark!

Figuring things out

We are still trying to figure out Evelyn's medication. It has been hard to see her uncomfortable with the tummy pains and all. We took her off the Prevacid and she was a very unhappy baby. She was mainly having reflux, but she was also arching her back a lot. After going back on the half dose of Prevacid, bebe seems much better, but we're still having minor issues with her reflux. The latest thing that's bothering me (and her, of course) is the back arching. I am doing a bunch of research but I just can't seem to figure out why she's doing it if her esophagus isn't hurting. The only other thing I have read is that gas can make babies arch their backs. I'm stumped. Yes, I've called the pediatrician, but she seems to think Evelyn is either experiencing reflux or gas. Eh, I don't really like that answer and I'm so tired of bringing her in every couple weeks. It's not that Evelyn's really sick, I just don't like seeing her uncomfortable and I really want to figure all this out. Quite possibly, it's just general digestive maturation, which most babies go through anyway. Maybe being a first-time mom is the issue?

Despite Evelyn's digestive upsets, she is a happy, bouncy baby now. She is smiling so much and really loving her Johnny Jumper and the exersaucer. She can roll from back to side, side to back, and front to side/back. I really want to get a video of her doing these things, I just forget! I should keep the videocamera out for easy access. We also tried pears yesterday and she loved them. She could have eaten the whole jar but Grandpa only gave her a little more than half. She polished off the rest today and had some prunes. This baby loves food!! Since she pooped this morning after eating the pears, I'm pretty confident that we won't have the same issues that we did from the applesauce and rice cereal. I really have no idea how often to feed or how much, so we're starting slow. I didn't realize how fast we'd go from a tiny nursing newborn to this in such a short time. Babies are only babies for so long!

~C