11 Months

Our baby girl is 11 months. One month away from being a WHOLE YEAR OLD. Just where did the time go?? I can tell you.

Once Evelyn was born I was in a total fog. For about a month. Those first two weeks of learning how to breastfeed and get sleep with a baby who refused to sleep on any non-living and breathing surface was unbelievably trying. I was so happy to be a mom but I was so devastated that the process by which this was achieved had almost killed me. When you have a newborn, your whole world is turned upside down, over and over again. Each time your baby cries your heart stops beating and your whole being wants to go to this tiny human and comfort it.

As the weeks went on, I became less paranoid about being at home with Evelyn but was still paranoid about going anywhere with her. Figuring out when and how to take her out was a big challenge. We had breastfeeding down. We knew how to cloth diaper. We knew how to use the wrap and the sling. But for some reason I was terrified of leaving the house without someone. Mainly my issue was about her crying in the car and having to pull over repeatedly. I just couldn't bear to hear her cry for any period of time. Sounds lame looking back, but it was relevant and important to me in so many ways to put her happiness and comfort above ALL of my needs. I found it hard to go pee because she would cry if I left. I didn't shower unless Dave was home and even then I became easily stressed if I could hear her crying from the bathroom. And if I didn't hear her crying I thought she might be, but the shower was too loud for me to actually hear. How ridiculous this all seems to me now, but I still look back on it fondly.

Evelyn got a little bigger, a little more animated, and we got used to being around each other. I slowly ventured out of my mamababy nest, diaper bag filled to the brim (except I always forgot something important) and cell phone ready. I must have called Dave a million times in those early months. Just having another person on the phone while I was grocery shopping or going to the pediatrician's office helped me tremendously. I was still severely depressed but I forced myself to get out from time to time. I immersed myself in thought; thoughts about parenting, infant development, motherhood, my birth, and all sorts of other issues that were important to me. I watched LOTS of shows on Hulu. I ate LOTS of hot pockets. I lived and breathed for my daughter and couldn't think about things other than the mamababy relationship, emotionally and physically, for many months.

Maybe once Evelyn got to about 6 or 7 months, I really started to feel like a mom. A mom who knew what she was doing, who wasn't so afraid to talk about her parenting choices, who wasn't afraid to take her baby outside or on a car trip, and who knew exactly what her baby needed if she cried, fussed, smiled, or reached out to me.

Once I started to feel like a real mom things changed for me. My depression was still there but I felt like I could actually do things to help it. I felt like Evelyn and I had our own language and I understood her better than any other person. She had developed trust in me to understand her signals and care for them appropriately. She knew that if something was wrong, I'd keep trying to figure it out and wouldn't eat or sleep until she was ok. I realize now that I could have delegated more or even let her fuss for two minutes while I made a bowl of cereal...but as a first-time mom those things weren't important to me.

Evelyn has been to New York City three times, up to Maine twice, been on four flights and attended about 6 conventions. She has gone on numerous other little road trips, one most recently down to Florida to help a dear friend during her birth and immediate post-partum period. She has just been a trooper when it comes to travel. As long as we have the Ergo everything is fine :)

Over the past three weeks Evelyn's development has just blown me away. She started eating real people food and basically refuses pureed baby food now. She started crawling. She loves to hold your fingers and walk laps around the living room and kitchen. Sometimes she even runs. She has stood a few times unassisted, much to her surprise. She learned "Kee-ee" (kitty), "Ditduu" (thank you), and "Ehoh" (elmo). She already knows Nigh-night, Mama, Dada, Nuhnums, and will shake her booty on demand if you either sing or say the word "dancing". I can't believe how well she communicated her needs to us and understands what we're saying.

I knew these days would come I just didn't think it would be so soon!

We have also been successfully catching many poops and pees on the froggy potty. If I was better about it we'd catch most eliminations on the potty, but we run around a lot these days and I depend on my diapers.

I am trying to decide what to do for Evelyn's first birthday and it almost immediately overwhelms me so I put it off. I can't do that any longer. Invitations must get sent out and plans must be made. This baby is turning one whether I like it or not.

EC and potty training

A friend asked me a long time ago to write about EC - which stand for elimination communication. Simply put, you learn to read your baby's cues for peeing and pooping, while guiding them by making your own cues to help them eliminate on a potty or anyplace else one might eliminate. This sounds really ridiculous to the average American, but this practice is alive and well in many other civilized countries around the world.

Photo from www.diaperfreebaby.org

I have wanted to teach Evelyn EC but I am being selfish. I am in love with my cloth diapers and I feel so intimidated by the whole process of what many EC'ers call infant potty learning. I will admit that I can be on the defensive about cloth diapering; after all, most babies in America wear Pampers, Huggies or Luvs. I'm not particularly against disposables since we use them from time to time, but I am against dumping millions of non-biodegradable diapers into our landfills daily. It takes approximately 150-300 YEARS for one regular diaper to break down.

We use cloth for so many reasons, not just because we're trying to fit the mold of the hippie, natural parents.

Anyway, back to EC - sorry I get derailed easily! Besides the fact that I already thought there would be challenges, both physically and socially to using cloth diapers, I feel that it is an unsurmountable task to be ok with everyone thinking I'm completely psycho for trying EC out. Do you know what I mean? If it isn't enough that we're not going with the grain and "just using disposables", having to take our infant to the potty several times in a variety of social situations probably wouldn't fly with over half, if not most of our friends and family. Not that our friends and family don't love and support us, but some things are just WAY out of people's comfort zones.

So WHY on EARTH would we want to use EC with Evelyn?

First, it creates a positive and relaxed association with going potty. Many children struggle with potty training and parents can quickly get into a power war with their kids over it.

Second, it creates a strong connection between your ability to read your baby's cues and your baby's knowledge that you can respond to their needs. This kind of goes along the lines of attachment parenting, where your baby needs to know that you'll try to respond to their needs in a timely, loving way (which is normal for the first two years of life - all needs are needs, there is no such thing as a baby who is trying to get back at you for something or is trying to irritate you intentionally).

Third, it helps the child learn from an early age that using the potty is not gross or shameful, and we don't have to essentially "hide" or be shameful of normal bodily functioning. I read recently that researchers are starting to understand much much more about our obsession with sexuality and it being shameful, tracing all the way back to infancy. Please don't read this as "if you wore diapers you are probably a sexual deviant". It just means that science is proving once again that the way we are cared for in very early childhood and infancy definitely shapes who we become as adults. Parenting is important!

Photo from http://dirtydiaperlaundry.com

Fourth, less diapers to throw away, wash, and spend $$ on. If your baby is cuing to potty 80% of the time, that's a whole lot of money saved now, plus energy spent on the dreaded potty training phase.

Babies who EC usually have multiple potties around the house and during nap times they sleep on a waterproof pad with a cloth prefold diaper or a fleece blanket on top. Fleece wicks away moisture and fluids, while cotton and the like absorbs. It works out well - we've done it a few times with Evelyn during very hot nights.

How EC is done: Mothers and parents will read baby's cue to pee, like fidgeting or stiffening legs, then the parent will respond by cuing the baby with a "psss" sound, for example. When first beginning you sort of have to catch the baby peeing a few times to cue them with the sound to make the initial association. You might take them straight to the potty after waking up in the morning or after a nap. Do this enough times and you will be able to mostly know when baby needs to eliminate, and baby will wait for your cue to release. Easy-peasy, right? Well, maybe not totally easy. Like all things, EC can take some getting used to for both parties.

Some families feed their babies over a potty, since the act of drinking or consuming usually signals the body to eliminate. Most babies pee during or after a feed, some will poop during a certain time of the day, too, which makes clean up very easy.

Babies who use EC often go without diapers or underwear, since the point is to communicate with them about going potty. Some families take their babies outside to pee, or will hold their babies in a squat position over the grass or a bush to pee. I'm not too sure how I would feel about holding Evelyn up to a bush in the mall so that she could pee. In many other countries and societies around the world, that is the norm. I suppose if you're out for a walk and your baby signals, you can do it sort of discreetly?Not that you must, but this is just my own train of thought. This is different than throwing trash in someone's yard - urine is a completely natural and useful substance for plant life. We're just not ok as a culture witnessing public elimination. You're probably thinking that only drunk, homeless people do this.

Photo from www.thepottyshop.com.au

So there's a huge hurdle for most parents, even cloth diapering and natural families, to try EC because of the societal pressures and stigma associated with it. I get weird looks from people if they see one of Evelyn's beautiful cloth diapers. As if scrape poop off the diapers with my bear hands, throw it in the washing machine, then dump my regular clothes in (no pun intended).

As with many unconventional parenting ways, it's the lack of knowledge about EC that creates such a fuss. I would really like to give it a go and maybe EC part-time. Now's the time to do it and I can't wait much longer or Evelyn will be very set in her (pee-in-the-diaper) ways.